Feeling Beaten Down

Just about I am starting to feel a sense of control in my finance after a year of budgeting with YNAB, my wife told me that I need to give her 30k cash to cover some unexpected expenses, which are completely out of my knowledge. That completely destroy all my budget, now I am back to 0, with mortgage and credit card expenses coming up next month and less than 1k in my bank account. I am feeling so demotivated. 

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  • Sorry to hear that. That can’t happen. You guys have some issues to work out.

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  • Ouch!😔  
    I hope that YNAB was one of the instigators that opened up the dialog.  Good luck 🍀 in that regards - I feel some old YNAB prints out might come in handy.

    Strategically speaking, it sounds like a case of:

    1. ‘rolling with the punches’ - dealing with the unknown (although it was known ‘by some’ 😬

    2. Time to get the spouse ‘on board’ with YNAB - carpe diem! 
    • Hopefully you did the ‘YNAB restart’; it keeps the old budget so you can compare old to new (i.e. lost opportunity analysis)
    • Drag out your bargaining chips - they need some ‘skin in this game’ called ‘life’!  
    • YNAB - a financial AND possible RELATIONSHIP tool - never say never!


    3. Time to gamify the financial journey!  It’s your move, I believe 🤭🤫 .

    4. It’s for you both to shoulder the burden.  I hope she understanding the set back.  I hope you shared the set back!  I hope she is also responsible for helping to repair the budget.

    On the upside 😃 - you do (of course) know that YNAB will be able to handle it once you re-gig everything; its like truth serum 🧪 (or a polygraph 😜).   It also means that you will be able to deal with it (together) in the most efficient way (YNAB has habit of pointing out all options).

    I hope there are no further surprises of this magnitude!  I shudder to think that, if you weren’t using YNAB, 🤔 your recovery time might be a lot longer.

    YNAB forever xxx💕 

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  • Yup, rolling with the punches, except this is a really heavy punch !!! 

    Anyway, I won't quit. In fact as what NettieFIRE mentioned,  I did the YNAB RESTART. Starting from 0 is actually not that bad after I re-examine my budget last year and finally come to a conclusion, if I managed to save 30k before, I definitely can do it again! 

    2021, A new beginning !!!

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      • Superbone
      • YNAB convert since 2008
      • Superbone
      • 8 mths ago
      • Reported - view

      albert Just make sure you work with your wife so this never happens again. You can't do this alone. You guys need to do it together and can't be hiding large amounts of debts from each other.

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  • Superbone thanks for the advice, had spoken to my wife and we will try again. She has issue dealing with money management all these times. Let's hope this time she really learns from her mistake. 

    Like 1
  • My advice FWIW; you need a full, open picture of where you're at:

    - Go completely open book with the both of you: lay out all accounts, assets, liabilities, etc in a spreadsheet and get a full accounting of every penny owned and owed. 

    - Run credit reports for both of you and find any "off the books" accounts that might be lurking 

    - any past due bills? Any in collections? 

    - Find the root of the issue with your wife. You mentioned money management issues- make sure you two are completely above board on what those issues are and how to mitigate them...its not just "I overspent", it has to be deeper into wants/needs/fears/etc.  

    - Once you're organized and know EVERYTHING work on creating a shared vision of your financial future as it pertains to your shared life goals.  Obviously YNAB is a huge piece of this and can facilitate things.  

    Rough one, sorry dude.  You're gonna make it brah, get organized and go from there.

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