
Guilt over good money news due to COVID?
So, the title might be a bit strange but I have an issue that is really hard to discuss with people right now. So I thought I would take a chance here and see if there are others who are in the same boat who might be struggling with it as well.
My husband and I are very lucky. I work for a Canadian provincial government. My job is quite secure at the moment (always subject to change but no immediate danger). My husband is a real estate appraiser and works as a contractor. He has been very fortunate and things are looking fairly steady for him. He does mostly commercial work so there are things that still need to happen. Plus, looking forward there may be foreclosure work in the future depending on how things play out. So, we are stable due to the situation in part without having to be on the front lines to accomplish it.
There have been a combination of things leadi ng us here as well. All four of our kids are on their own now. No support unless we choose to help. Our issues with exes are generally behind as the kids have moved out (mental stress significantly reduced!) We downsized and moved back to the city which helps. We are both at good spots in our careers.
My guilt? Working from home has allowed us to really look into the budget, reaffirm and see where we can go. That is good. However, by working at home, we have seen our expenses really reduce and we are able to use the extra money plus some other adjustments to get ahead on our debts. In a time when others are struggling to know what to do, we are actually doing well. We don't want to celebrate because we know others are not as fortunate. But we have really gotten into a good spot now.
In my mind, I have been telling myself that I am taking the opportunity to really look at what is important to us, focus on it and make sure we are in the right place going ahead. Am I overthinking things??
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We are in a similar, yet different, situation. We both make more on unemployment than we did when we worked due to government programs related to COVID-19. This has been our reason for joining YNAB and getting our finances under control; right now the budget doesn't look as scary and offers us an opportunity to get ahead. We, too, feel a little uncomfortable sharing that with the general public.
I agree with others that have posted in that there is no shame or guilt necessary. While we still choose not to share the news, we try to help others when we can, we continue to learn how to be good stewards of our blessings and we recognize that only with work and effort will this feeling of plenty continue after the government programs cease.
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I have actually spent a good deal of time thinking about this topic - and the broader one - why is it that in our culture it is frowned upon to be happy/successful/positive, particularly in a situation where someone else may be feeling/doing less than what we have in the moment.
It's some bizarre twist that we are not allowed to be better than the person next to us, and if their situation goes backwards, we especially can't talk about how we may be 'better' than they are in the moment.It's a really screwed up mentality, and I think that we all have a little work to do to get over it.
I'll be honest with you - we're in a little bit of the same boat. Our only struggle at the moment is the BF's hours getting cut back to 40 when he normally works 50-60. That has hit us hard, BUT, we are still in a pretty good position. I did the math a minute ago, and we could pay the mortgage for 5 months with only what is sitting in the bank. We'd need other money coming in to cover the rest of the bills, but what we have right now would at least cover THAT. That is ALL thanks to tax returns, and our little $1200 government 'stimulus' that we were sent. We had earmarked most of that money (the taxes anyway) for projects and various things, including a new vehicle that the BF desperately needs, but right now we're just going to hold onto it until his hours begin to pick up again more like normal and we know that we won't have to dip into that should something happen.
My situation is similar - my job is still hanging on (though there was mumblings that my hours could get cut at some point), but my personal business is still continuing, thanks to some amazing clients, AND the part time job that I have worked on the veggie farm is BOOMING, so they actually NEED my help right now, so that's extra cash flow that makes up for missing the other clients that I would normally have in my small business.
So, yeah, as of right now, we are sitting in a pretty good position. We're both a little frustrated that he has the time to do projects, but we'd rather not spend the money at the moment, but other than that, we're doing great. Things could be so much worse than they are, and I am thankful that they aren't. I don't feel guilty about it, but I also don't boast about it. I'm really grateful that I've spent so much time working with YNAB because THAT'S why we're doing just fine right now. I know exactly where our dollars are, and what they are doing, and so even though his pay checks have dropped a bit, there's no worry in there for what is happening. Even the increased grocery budget hasn't bothered me all that much, and I'm the one that pays for all of that. -
There is a difference between feeling guilty about doing well in tough times vs how/if you share that good news. It comes down to a) don't feel guilty about having succeeded in being in a good place (financially or otherwise), even if it's through dumb luck, and b) know your audience.
We just closed on a house this week. The low mortgage rates were a catalyst but the ability to qualify for the mortgage was something we had worked on for years. Paid off debts slowly, watched our spending, made financial sacrifices. I would be lying if that was all there was to it: our household relies on income from a very secure gov't job. (But even that has been a sacrifice invisible to others: We made a decision long ago to put job security over much larger paychecks in the private sector for the same work.) Basically the stars all lined up for a change and we made it through the home buying process. No need to feel guilty there.
However, will we be telling everyone we know about the new house even though it's very exciting ? No. We are only separated from family and friends hit by financial hardship by 1-2 degrees, and a few friends are suffering far worse (death in the family due to the pandemic). Others simply have their plates full with trying to safely treat patients, reopen their businesses, or afford groceries. Those friends are not in a moment where they can identify with our news. Bottom line: our news can wait. It is undoubtedly more exciting to us than it is to anyone else (including you). Right now the best thing we can do to support others is to listen to them, and support them however we can. -
I'm in the same boat, and actually appreciating all of the changes that the pandemic has brought to my life so far! Gratitude, rather than guilt, is probably the best mindset here. Those less fortunate would certainly appreciate having these advantages, if they were given them tomorrow, so why waste this random gift from the universe by feeling guilt rather than gratitude?
Help others where you can. Appreciate what you have. There isn't much more that any of us can do, than that.