A Tale About A Car

I plan to tell my husband a lie about his car, but is it lying if I just never bring it up? My husband loves his car - I am not a fan. Not only has it had every mechanical problem known to man, it's now 12 years old and we're completely upside down on it. Completely, drastically, ridiculously, upside down.

Most of this is due to the type of loan on the car. The loan is $355/month, but only about $200 of that goes towards principal. The credit union charges $30/month for title insurance, $70/month for loan insurance and it's a 14% APR. I believe the title insurance was factored in to the original payoff date of 7/2019, but I'm doing rough math and with $6,500 still remaining and only $200ish going towards principle, this dead weight is going to be around for at least 2 more years at this rate.

Now for the lie: I plan to refinance it, without telling my husband. It's his car and he covers the payment but the car loan is through my credit union. My credit union offers a share secured loan at 2%, so I plan to take out a loan for the remaining balance and use it to pay off the truck. I don't plan to tell my husband, because this will drop the payment to about $280 and he's the type to start paying the $280. I want him to still pay the $355 so we can be done with the truck all the sooner.

We're usually crystal clear on financial matters, but I want to keep this under wraps until he's made at least the first three payments at the new rate.

I guess all of this was to ask, where do you draw the line between His and Hers debts and acting on behalf of your significant other? Would you ever refinance without telling him or her? Have you ever done something in the best interest of both of you without discussing it first?

Just curious :)

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  • If he's generally oblivious to details and more of a big-picture kind of guy, how about saying, "You know? I'm really tempted to refinance that blood-sucking high-interest car loan to a better rate so your/our monthly payment pays off the loan faster instead of paying so much in interest. I think doing that would get the loan paid off by ____date without increasing the monthly payment. What do you think?"

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      • JoeDid
      • Remember: It is To Laugh
      • Purple_rain
      • 3 yrs ago
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      HappyDance This is infinitely better than lying to a partner.

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      • HappyDance
      • YNABing consistently since 2014
      • HappyDance
      • 3 yrs ago
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      JoeDid 

      Hmmm.  Yes.   I know I don't like being lied to for any reason.  It's one of my deal-breakers in any relationship. But there is nothing wrong with a little deliberate manipulation, taking the conversation or rhetorical argument towards a predetermined end. That's more persuasion. 🙂

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      • JoeDid
      • Remember: It is To Laugh
      • Purple_rain
      • 3 yrs ago
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      HappyDance Agreed.

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    • HappyDance How would you feel if you found out he lied to you about something this important? No matter the reason this is the kind of thing that can put a big dent in the foundation of a relationship. 

      Like 1
      • Til Debt Do Us Part
      • Divorcing Debt - Not Each Other
      • debt_do_us_part
      • 3 yrs ago
      • Reported - view

      HappyDance I probably should've mentioned that we talked about doing this ages ago, but he never actually followed through. His mindset is "It'll get paid off eventually" interest and wasted payments aside -sigh- I'm just hoping to take the initiative which will (more hope here) lead to a pleasant surprise down the road. I honestly don't expect him to notice, but were he to ask I'd definitely tell him.

      JoeDid I promise I'm not a terrible person 😂 I should've opened this post with, 'I want to surprise my husband' Definitely puts a better spin on things.

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      • JoeDid
      • Remember: It is To Laugh
      • Purple_rain
      • 3 yrs ago
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      Til Debt Do Us Part I didn't mean to imply you were a terrible person. I know relationships are complicated. There are all manner of "lies," from little white ones all through the spectrum, all the way to seriously dark ones. I meant only that HappyDance's suggestion was a better option. It made things so logical how could anyone refuse? Then again, only you know your husband well enough to decide that. Given the option I would go for logical, open dialog rather than subversive activity.

      Like 2
  • Interesting question and responses.  Like other have said only you know your husband.  I think which way you go depends on how he would react if he found out.  Would it be more like “awww that was a good idea to save some money and I wouldn’t have even noticed!” Or would he be upset that it might have been tricky.  I’ve “hid” money from my wife before, but it was to surprise her with a gift.  Had she “found out” at some point in the middle of saving, she would not have been upset.  Lots of variables to consider, and how you go about it, I think.

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  • I've opted for what middle ground I could find here. I'm going to refinance the truck and wait until I have the title in hand to tell him (which I'm hoping is only a week or two). I still want it to be a surprise, but the comments have made me realize an extended, still making payments surprise doesn't sound as jovial 😅Not that I expect him to be ecstatic. His level of concern when it comes to interest rates has me hoping for a solid "Oh, that's nice." 

    Like 1
      • Beige Hail
      • Beige_Hail.1
      • 3 yrs ago
      • Reported - view

      Til Debt Do Us Part This sounds like a good compromise. I really like HappyDance 's suggestion of pitching it as "good news, we are going to save money and monthly payments won't go up!" 

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