Not getting 100% buy-in from spouse
Hubby says all the right things when it comes to our money plan but when it comes down to action not so much. I don't think he even knows YNAB by name, certainly hasn't taken the time to watch any of the short video clips, etc... he just says "I don't get your way" and stomps off. His way was a list of bills and anything leftover he'd spend on hobbies instead of thinking ahead to his commercial driver's license renewal or groceries.
My question is, "Is it possible to be successful with YNAB if only one of you seems committed to it?"
After reading one of the other threads maybe I'm framing the question wrong.
Hello Silver. Yes, it's possible but it really depends on that other person. My wife, for instance, has no desire to plan our money or look at YNAB... but she trusts me and listens to me if I say we can't spend on something due to our budget. I wish she was into it like I was and we could make more decisions together but I don't think she ever will be.
It sounds like your hubby doesn't really want to control his money; he may look at his way of doing things as some freedom meaning whatever doesn't go to bills he can blow on whatever he desires. Do you think you might be able to get him to at least start to think of the future? Planning really is making sure there's money for what you need and want in the future. It's a more mature way of looking at things.
He may never want to get into money or budgeting like you do but maybe through you he can. I think many times in a relationship one ends up being the "leader" as far as finances. Hopefully over time you can get him to see some of the principals and how it really does make your lives better overall.
Hi Silver Robot !
When you have a moment, take a look at our Join Forces Guide. It offers a number of tips and tricks on budgeting with a partner. :)
It took me multiple tries and attempts to get my husband on board and I'm still the number lover between the two of us, but he's on board enough to enter his transactions and enjoy our budget meetings!
I don't get even 1% buy-in from my spouse. He bristles at discussions about money. He also does not contribute financially at all to the household. He's younger, and married into a 3 child family, so I guess he doesn't think he has to. So, he gets to keep all of his paycheck for his idea of what's important, and I am struggling to pay down my debt from before the marriage with reduced income (I lost widow's benefits when I remarried). So...I guess we're in the same boat (unless your spouse, however hardheaded, at least contributes dollars to the mix).
Wow Orchid, that sounds like a very frustrating situation. I know that some couples keep separate accounts (sometimes also with a joint account) but what your describing sounds more extreme than that. So it seems that he trusts that you'll make sure that all the bills get paid and he's free to do whatever he likes with "his" money. Actually sounds very immature on his part; most spouses at least want to contribute to the finances in some way even if they don't actually pay the bills.
My wife and I are at the other end of the spectrum; we have one account and all our money goes in there and all the bills and expenses get paid out of there. My wife had ran up a bunch of credit cards (long story) but we got debt consolidation loan for that and it's just paid out of our money; there's no "your debt / my debt, your money / my money" going on.
I'm sorry to say it but your spouse sounds more like a child than a true partner, financially. When you're married you pretty much share everything and that includes lots of things including money and the bills. It's just part of being in a marriage and being committed to one another and joining together. If he's not willing to join in financially it makes me wonder what else he keeps to himself or how "married" he really is.
I understand though that there are lots of different situations and personalities and agreements between spouses. Even with all of that considered it sounds like the way things are it makes it much harder on you and much easier on him and I'm sorry to hear that 🙁
I am having a similar issue with my husband. He likes knowing that when he wants to do something the money is there but he cannot be the one to hold it. He feels like you pay for everything when you get paid and what you have left is free.
Additionally, he doesn't trust me. He constantly blames me when I say we can't afford something and accuses me of spending all the money on myself. Which is absurd since he gets 2x the fun money I get and with YNAB I can literally account for what i spend. He has even accused me of understating my income and that what i put in YNAB is all fake.
I think for it to work, your spouse would really need to put faith in you and trust and follow the budget. If not you will get fed up sooner or later.
My wife has student loans that long ago went into default and have reached astronomical levels. To her mind the very idea of getting out of debt is untrue. She sees it will never happen. Now I have a plan where by snowballing our money we could be out of credit card, car and Parent Plus loan debt in seven years. She simply does not believe it can happen. What I do know is she wants to maintain an ability to see theatre once a month. I have that budgetted at $200, though it should take much less than that, this is where I am starting.
My hope is to not have to involve her further until we have a win or two. I get an extra check in June and so in July I hope to show her how just following the budget I've made we were able to save $X. I'm hoping after showing that I might have a chance of convincing her to go along with it.
If anyone has any better suggestions, I'd like to hear it.
Note: she is not buying electronics or clothing or stuff like that, she simply does not believe we can change the amount we are paying out each month on things. For her, past is destiny, not simply prologue.
WRT selling stuff; unless it is a kidney or something like that, we don't have a bunch of stuff we are not using. We've been ditching crap rather meticulously, but none of it has any residual value. We do not have a car we could let go. So there is nothing w/ enough residual value to cover the HVAC replacement.
Right now I'm just doing all I can to find financing. Because if I don't soon, I am not sure how bad will be the impact on my wife and us.
Despondent would not be an exaggeration for where we were yesterday. Numb and despairing would sum me up today. My guts are in knots and she is not much better than yesterday. So we are just trying to find a way out of this crisis. We don't have the luxury of doing something more inventive. And we never have. 25 years, 4 cars dying, external part of AC crapped out, refrigerator then washer and drier... Doing the math something major hits us every few years and we have no time to get ahead. Hoping we could now get ahead was probably what made this all the worse. Perhaps abandoning hope would be more helpful. :)